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My Top 10 Least Favorite Movies
So, I actually get asked this question a lot - how I would rank the movies that I've reviewed for Animated Atrocities, and for awhile I've wanted to do a list. However, I thought that I'd throw in live action movies to this mix as well. And yeah, if I reviewed live action, I'd review these films definitely. Although you have to keep in mind that this is more personal taste than other lists I've done. I'm not even really trying to be objective here. Another thing to keep in mind - when it comes to live action films, I don't tend to go out of my way to watch the most extreme shit out there. I don't find it necessary, and I know that things like The Garbage Pail Kids (which I haven't seen) is worse than Drawn Together: The Movie. TL;DR - there are a lot of movies that I haven't seen and I have no interest in seeing. Number 10: Silent Hill - the Movie Right off the bat, the sequel to this movie is worse. I read enough critic reviews to figure this out, so I didn't go and see it. I wasn't too interested either because of how bad this movie ended up. I hear that this is one of the better video game adaptations out there, but that's not saying very much. I wouldn't know anyway, because I don't go watching too many video game movies. Even before this movie came out, I knew the reputation of video game movies. However, I thought that Silent Hill could avoid the trappings. Most video game movies failed because they couldn't get a story out the franchise they were working on. But Silent Hill was famous for its stories. The pieces are all there, and the story is structured very similar to a film. There's mystery and intrigue there. All you need to do is transcribe what happens in the game as accurately as possible and... shit. Okay, so Silent Hill pulled a Ghostbusters ten years before it was cool. This adaptation changed Harry Mason into Rose Da Silva. This in itself isn't the problem; it's how they handled it. Because they changed Harry into Rose, every main character in the film was now a female. And to be frank, I don't see a movie/creative work having a cast of one entire gender a problem. However, the studio did. So, instead of changing it back to the source material and having Harry Mason, we instead get a bunch of random nonsense of Sharon's father learning clues to nothing. It massively breaks the pacing and immersion of the movie. Also, they changed all of the names because I don't know. Here's a tip - if an adaptation changes the names of the character it is bad. There are no exceptions. It's not bad because they changed the name, but there is a massive correlation, and it usually shows that the people behind it don't give a crap about the source material. I think they changed Harry into Rose because they wanted the movie to have a massive theme about motherhood. They go on and on about it. And I guess it's kind of a shame for them that there was no Silent Hill games with a major theme revolving around motherhood... you know, like the third game... and the fourth game. And like every single game except the first one. Speaking of which "my daughter is having freak outs about a ghost town. The best option is to take her there of my own free will because that's what a good parent does. I mean it's only buildings that are falling apart and smoke from coal fires that are still burning. I'm sure that this will have no adverse effects, even if I wasn't in a stupid horror movie." Number 9: Chicken Little So I reviewed this a couple of years back, and I think that covers why it's on this list. Why is it so low? Because it's probably the most competently made film on this list. It's just probably the most mean-spirited a mainstream animated film has ever been. Not to mention how badly this movie wants to rip off Shrek. Number 8: Mars Needs Moms '''This film is higher on the list because it killed motion capture. While some motion capture films have been good, I've never seen a motion captured animated film that wouldn't look better if they just used live action or normal CGI. The decisions in this movie still baffle me to hell and back. Why didn't the martians have subtitles during PLOT CRUCIAL scenes? Why didn't they see how repetitive it was to see Milo continually running around goddamn hallways? Why did they think it was a good idea to have a movie named "Mars Needs Moms" be this dark? '''Number 7: The Last Airbender I knew this film was going to be bad, going in. I think we all did. I mean, it was Nickelodeon in their stupid era giving a property that they cared very little about to M. Night, after The Village and after The Happening and after Lady in the Water ''(number 11 on this list, by the way). Not only that, but there's the time thing. How do you fit 20 twenty-two minute episodes into a time span of under two hours. The effects are bad. The character casting is bad, and confusing. The writing is terrible. The direction is especially terrible. ''Everyone has gone deep into why this movie is so horrible, so there's not much I can say about it. It was the biggest fuck you to the fans of a franchise until Jem and the Holograms aired last year. Honestly, I've toyed with the idea of "Adaptation Atrocities." My Nickelodeon month a couple of years ago was originally planned to end with a review of this movie. I don't see much of a point of beating this down anymore. It's already rightfully considered one of the worst films of all time. Number 6: Unfriended Unfriended is the reason that I don't like horror movies. Okay, well that's an over-statement. It is the total summation of everything that is wrong with horror movies. We have a bunch of asshole idiots, who are both extreme assholes and extreme idiots, who get brutually killed by jump scares while the movie uses a gimmick to avoid doing anything creative. You know that saying "I have a soft spot for this type of thing" that usually leads to people having a lot of guilty pleasures. I have... kind of the opposite. I have a... hard spot for works that have very good premises or ideas that just squander them. I talked about that in my Shorty McShorts' Shorts review. A ghost coming from the internet is actually a very good idea. There are a lot of scary things that can come from the internet. For instance, right now there's a virus floating around that hacks into your webcam and says that the FBI are demanding that you pay them like 200 dollars and it's being sent to them. One way to take this premise - the entire movie it's kept entirely ambiguous whether this is a ghost or just a hacker messing with the main characters. But no, all horror movies ever nowadays drop any subtly and subtext because they want to be "LOOK AT OUR SUPER AWESOME AND SCARY CGI MONSTER!" A lot of this movie is spent going "yes this is real" which is the exact opposite of what you should be doing in a good horror story like this. Fear of the unknown is a very powerful thing, and when we know what the fuck the monster is and what the fuck it wants, we're stuck with characters idiotically willing to die for selfish reasons. Cabin in the Woods is one of my favorite movies, by the way. 'Number 5: Imagine That '''Okay, so most of my writing is writing for kids. I enjoy writing children's literature. And one piece of advice you get as a writer is to consume media in your genre. If you write fantasy, watch/read fantasy, as much as possible. So, I've watched a lot of kids movies, both good and bad. You know, stuff like ''Chronicles of Narnia or Freaky Friday ''or ''Mary Poppins. And this is one of the worst pieces of shit I've ever seen in that category. People ask me a lot "what do you want to see the Nostalgia Critic review" and this movie would definitely be the answer. Hell, I'm halfway tempted to do a review on this piece of shit movie myself. Here's a start - it got Eddie Murphy nominated for a worst actor Razzie, and let him win worst actor of the (2000's) decade. This film came out in 2009 and it has just about everything that I hate about everything. So, the movie stars Eddie Murphy as a workaholic father (excuse me while I scream into a pillow because of this dead cliche). He's a successful financial adviser and the movie goes into extraordinary detail about his job as a financial adviser. Any kids watching this would be bored out of their mind by the time that they actually get to the plot. It gets to be like 30 minutes before anything of substance happens. The tagline of this movie is "What if your daughter's imagination was the secret to your success?" It makes one think that this movie would be about Eddie Murphy being like a writer or something, stealing their child's ideas to make books or movies or something. No... that would be smart and it could lead to a deeply emotional and interesting story. Okay, so Eddie Murphy has a very imaginative daughter. And by "imaginative" the movie means "schizophrenic" as in the child literally cannot tell fact from fiction within the movie. So what happens? Okay, the daughter has imaginary friends that are psychic and are amazing at business insight. Yes, that is literally the plot. To get this advise, Eddie Murphy must basically play with his daughter by putting a blanket over his head, and singing and dancing. It's cringe comedy. The only comedy in this movie. There are ideas here. You could make a good movie out of some of these pieces. I can envision this as an Alice in Wonderland story, where an adult has to literally go into a child's fantasy to... bring them back to reality, to get some magic that they might have lost, for financial secrets whatever. Seriously, a movie where an adult follows the child into their fantasy world and we actually fucking see the fantasy world could be one of the greatest children's movies of all time. But no, half of this movie is Eddie Murphy talking to invisible spots in his apartment. This movie had a budget of 55 million dollars, and "invisible" is what they come up with. But are the imaginary friends real in this movie? Well, the antagonist in this movie who does nothing says that they're a Native American spiritual thingy that can get heightened insight about the world but only if they're seen through the eyes of a child, so he buys a 6,000 dollar blanket, has it blessed by a Native American priest, then hops his kid up on red bull and has him dance around a fire. This guy who was... supposedly all well together. And no, this isn't offensive to Native Americans because at the end it's revealed that the antagonist wasn't a Native American at all. So... how does this movie end? Eddie Murphy walks out of the "big meeting" that can make or break his career to see his daughter's play. In the real world, that'll get him fired, but in happy-stupid-movie-land that nets him the job. It truly is a piece of shit. Anyone want to make that Alice in Wonderland-''type story? '''Number 4: The Cat in the Hat '''I... hate this movie. I don't know if I can make my thoughts more coherent than that. Let's take a book for young children and fill them with pop culture references and stupid pointless innuendo. This is another movie that everyone else has reviewed and I don't know if I can say anything more about it. '''Number 3: Elf Bowling: the Movie '''So, a lot of people thought that I was being too angry in the review. First of all, that was pretty much entirely acting. Yeah, one of my biggest criticisms is all of that anger. Let's talk about it honestly because a lot of people have said that me acting can't really be a possibility. I've always had trouble conveying my emotions. With asperger's syndrome, one of the symptoms is that you always seem to have a neutral expression - I don't automatically smile, for instance. I can still feel happy, but I don't automatically express it. And it works the same way with anger. It doesn't naturally express. So, throughout all of my life, I've been forced to get an extra control on the expression. Let me put it this way. I think "this movie makes me angry as possible" and then you get the Elf Bowling review. It's too much control. If I ''want to express anger, I will shout. If I want to express a lot of anger, I will shout loudly. How angry can this movie/tv show make me feel? And I express it, as much as I can. These shows and movies don't make me go into a blinding rage in real life to put it bluntly. So, why do I still make yelly reviews, like my Da Boom Crew ''review? Well... because there's a subset of my audience that likes me raging at whatever. You know, the whole "angry reviewing" thing has a popularity for a reason. Why am I telling you this now? Because I've already said everything I possibly could about this movie in the review itself. '''Number 2: Drawn Together - the Movie - The Movie '''This movie nearly broke me. I'm totally honest, every five minutes through the damn thing, I was heavily tempted to just say "fuck it, I'm not doing it." The movie is ''that bad. I don't think there's a single thing that this movie did right, from a technical standpoint; from a comedic standpoint. It tried my endurance at every turn. I know that I'm not in the audience for Drawn Together, but I still cannot stand this thing. I get the reputation for being squeamish, and in some regards I am. I don't like watching gore or this random nudity, but I can handle it if it's done well in the overall product and not just the overall product. In fact, at least when it comes to video games, survival horror is one of my favorite genres. I've enjoyed everything from Silent Hill to Condemned to Rule of Rose. I've played through The Suffering and Lone Survivor. I'm not too good at figuring out when or why it works, but in this movie, it just doesn't work. Especially when they continually derail the plot just to talk about bodily humor. Speaking of that, a lot of this movie is antihumor. Antihumor is something that I have never gotten on a logical level. Antihumor is being unfunny as possible to be funny. If... that could be funny, then logically, wouldn't literally everything be funny or have the potential to be funny? I mean, we don't have people breaking out into laughter at the DMV, right? I'd rather be in the DMV than watch the "director's commentary" scene, I'll tell you what. I guess antihumor might work... because it's something that you don't expect. Things like the overly long Family Guy "dad noises" jokes worked at one point because you didn't expect them to go on for long. And if that's the case, then antihumor (especially in adult cartoons) never has even the slightest chance of ever being funny ever again because whenever I watch these pieces of shit, I'm hyper aware at some point they're going to stop the plot and barely move to save money on the budget. And the... trying to be funny jokes that the movie tells aren't much better. Woldorf's photoshop penis thing is still burned into my brain. Why did they think that anyone wanted to see that? 'Number 1: That's My Boy '''I've frequently said that this is my least favorite movie of all time. And I can't really talk about it too much without getting on my soapbox. So, the plot is kickstarted when young Adam Sandler has sex with his teacher. It's portrayed as a really good thing, and psychologically scarring as it is in real life. But hey, it's a comedy... except that they're not making the subject matter comedic. Quite the opposite really. So, the teacher gets pregnant. And we're back to the whole... "hard spot for wasted ideas." Everything about this plot is setup for a deconstruction of the stereotypical "hot for teacher" schoolboy fantasy. Like ''Cabin in the Woods, start with your typical tropes and try to lay it out as you'd normally expect a movie of this genre to go. Then hit it with realistic consequences and showcase the flaws of it all. What happens next, after the whole school sees this, is that the teacher gets arrested and the young Adam Sandler gets custody of the child. Which is probably the funniest joke in the whole movie, being so damn implausible, but I digress. So, the rest of the movie is about Adam Sandler being a terrible parent and ruining the kid's life before it begins and after he becomes a millionaire Adam (the hero) tries to mooch off of him. I despise this movie's guts. Okay, so the movie is about a child born out of statutory rape. His mother immediately goes to jail for 30 years, and his father is 12. And he apparently doesn't have any grandparents who can help raise him. Because Adam names the kid Han Solo and feeds him so much junk food that he gets childhood obesity, and gives him a New Kids on the Block Tattoo as a child. Then this character faces all of this adversity, straightens out his life, and becomes a millionaire. Then the hero of the movie, who is facing jail time for tax evasion tries to mooch off of him. This is how the movie begins. Then we get incest jokes. Over-the-top masturbation. Some guy has sex with a dress. Every joke in the movie is like this. Everything about the movie is gross, unpleasant, disturbing, or just plain wrong. And yes, I hate it more than Jack & Jill, which is just stupidly unfunny. ~~~~~ So, those were my top 10 least favorite/most hated movies. I'll probably do my Top 10 favorites at some point. What do you think? What's your least favorite movies? Doesn't have to be animated, just in general. Sorry some of these were really short. I just don't have much to say... or way too much to say. Category:Top Tens